love is shadowmagic, a meditation

I’m slowly opening up to the giftcurse that is honesty with self. Yesterday evening and night I sat with some oldnew knowledge about myself and my relationship to abundance.

Gratefully, I didn’t sit alone for very long, and in that way I always feel Yeye, Oshun kissed my cheek and caused me to laugh and cry at the same time. She who had intimately known deepest loss and lack enough to femmifest her own damn abundance. Mama Oshun who blesses her children by showing us the way around- so that we don’t have to know deepest loss and lack to know abundance.

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I don’t always listen, so I’ve gotten to know loss and lack, and every time she holds out rose quartz and citrine and lavender and cinnamon and honey and peacock feathers and sweet water and asks me to be still at the side of a river and remember.

A jewel of wisdom from the Black Witch Chronicles most recent webisode: we go to war for reasons why we shouldn’t have, why we don’t deserve, and forget that all that energy could be better spent loving ourselves into receiving, feeling, and healing.

We suffer resentment, jealousy, harm, bitterness, betrayal-

and I’m not even talking about what the world (and those we love) throws at us, especially if you are queer, femme, trans, black, disabled, and/or poor

-I’m talking about how we suffer our shadows to take over our light, how the fight to survive leaves us with little or nothing for ourselves, how even within our chosen spaces the thorns that we think protect us point inward.

Love is shadowmagic.

No, it won’t fix everything, but love has often been the chosen tool/weapon/magic chosen by those of us who find ourselves at the bottom of the food chain because of its potential, for power, for release, for a freedom of our own making, for a possibility of loving ourselves so deeply that anything less is unacceptable.

Love is shadowmagic.

How deep is your love? a suggestion for meditation and ritual:

By flowing water, or meditate your spirit to sit by flowing water.

Hold rose quartz or citrine in your hands and feel honestly.

Where is your lack of love held in your body, in your spirit?

Move your hands there, holding the crystal and imagine love energy flowing to fill that space, like running water filling an empty jar.

It fills that space and as it overflows, so pours out the dark vacuum of lack that is no longer yours to keep.

Let it overflow for as long as you need it to.

Give thanks.

A drop of honey on your tongue to keep that sweetness with you.

Repeat as is often necessary.

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