healing with anxiety, facing the shadow to turn to the light

☆ ☾ ☆
What are you bringing on your journey?
What are you setting aside?
What do you seek to change and shift?
Who do you dream of becoming?
☆ ☾ ☆
[from the Lunar Apothecary welcome notes]

I’m taking Worts & Cunning’s Lunar Apothecary course. A reminder came through to me, twice over and with an extra blessing so it felt right. I’m nervous about it, anxious and still trying to process why. I work with herbs all the time, I feel my connection to them deeply- they are a comfort not a stressor. Perhaps it is that I’m aware of what deeper knowledge requires of me- using it, sharing it. A much deeper issue, as always.

A lot of my solar  plexus healing work is happening around my work as a healer- about stepping into my power as a healer and welcoming opportunity with wide arms rather than a tentative grasp.

A step further, to see myself as powerful and to let others see me.
To affirm myself, and receive affirmation- and believe it.

Anxiety in my healing work manifests as an uncomfortable dance between the 9 of Swords and the 9 of Pentacles.

20160501_195307.jpg

My two dancing 9s, drawn face up from the Mythical Goddess Tarot

Siobhan in her most recent Face Up Tarot column articulated it exactly: “Now people are watching. Now people are noticing. I wasn’t used to it, because I wasn’t used to getting into the rope.” I am being seen, I am being noticed, and sometimes I want nothing but to hide in the shadows and keep it all to myself just as much as I want to revel in being seen and be dynamic and vibrant.

I’m slowly teasing it out.

Challenge:

What does it mean to allow myself the knowledge and work of healer, even as I dance with the 9 of Swords?

How do I create space for the divine femme sitting content with self in 9 of pentacles to take the lead?

Opportunity:

My 9 of Pentacles divine femme leads best when I’m doing the work. She rises as I soothe my 9 of Swords equally divine femme with tea, crystals, talismans, and meditations, rocking her back to sleep.

In this way, I do the work I’m called to and it’s gotta be okay that I do it for myself first. I woudn’t know how to for others if I didn’t.

To step into my light, I first face my shadow. I just have to remember to turn around after.

2 thoughts on “healing with anxiety, facing the shadow to turn to the light

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