at (un)rest in liminal space

I feel like I should start by saying that I’m still on hiatus. Reflecting on why I feel the need to say that is hard-

perhaps by saying that I’m saying, “Don’t expect too much of me, I’m not all the way back; I’m just trying to find my way there.” So continue to bear with me, the unreplied comments, unanswered emails, and otherwise unacknowledged communication is not a dismissal of you. It’s just me trying to hold myself close and together as best as I can right now.

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Grief is so much memory, all the time in both waking and dreaming, it’s hard to know the difference. I’m living in The Moon.

Grief is a curious space to reside in- or rather the way it is living in my mind, body, and spirit is curious. It is not a static emotion, either so you can never get a handle on it as it shifts and twists from anger to sorrow to frustration to helplessness to ruthless focus to exhaustion to apathy to confusion to too much of whatever it decides to be with each passing moment. So while I somehow have energy to plan a funeral or press a scheduled post or write this rambling entry, responding to an email or grocery shopping or getting my car washed is beyond me.

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my most recent reading, grief is deafening and honors no timekeeping of our own creation; I drink of all seven cups and feel bound to the noise of grief; I reach for my magic, cry for Oya who takes the dead, and she leads me to the wheel of life leaving me scattered everywhere even as I swear I find myself nowhere; I drink of all seven cups.

I’m learning that grief can also be incredibly noisy. We feel it alone, but often grief is a collective memory being fashioned out of all the ways we wail and whisper over the same loss. It’s deafening. Which makes the vacuum of feeling I sometimes fall into, a silence I create to retreat, all the more stark, crushing. I’m pulling verbs and adjectives from every corner of the universe to describe where I’m at at any given moment of the day and I’m yet to gather a set of descriptors that aren’t contrary to each other at the same time.

I want to tell myself that it’s okay to feel like this but I can’t say I believe it. I don’t like it; I feel no contentment; I’m half out of my skin at any given moment and saying that it’s okay, this is just the process doesn’t seem enough. I can also recognize the power of this place, this ‘tween space I find myself in allows me to touch something of the other than is harder to reach. It’s funny, I have no doubt that any given tarot readings right now would likely be the best I’ve done but I also know I’m in no condition to open myself up to harness and exert that energy. It’s like living with your breath perpetually caught, always at the moment just before release.

Guess I’ll stay here a while longer while my mind, body, and spirit figure out how to hold grief’s new knowledge. I’ll look for fairies, catch the glimmer of scarabs, and ramble some more.

Bear with me though, I’d like to be back soon. I’m enough of myself to know that I miss you.

Meeting the Solstice with Four of Swords Restwork

I’m finally about to have a few days of rest coming my way- and as the winter solstice meets us, it would be a shame to waste the chance to take this moment and tune in.

I’ve been hitting a block with my shadow work and too long after I just now realize that the blockage begins in my dreamspace, where the work is supposed to start. How can I actualize in the physical realm, if my spirit cannot access the knowledge in the first place?!

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The Four of Swords is probably one of the most well-received cards in the Swords’ suit. While all the other cards seem to be cutting at some internal battle raging inside you, this card is unique in that it asks you to step back from the battle, take shelter and recover. In the past, this card and I have always had a positive relationship. After intense periods of personal growth and overcoming, seeing this card always felt like a reward. A sigh of relief and an allowance of guilt-free rest. I was always happy to take the time to soften the edges that had grown sharp and reflect on work well done without worrying just then about the next steps that needed to be taken.

However, there’s a reason that this card belongs in the Swords suit. Continue reading

Libra tarotscopes are out!

Libra ‘scopes are posted at Siobhan’s Mirror and I was over the moon to complete Libra’s return for our birthday.

You are (trans)formed at the union of your light and shadow; to get to know both well and to keep both clear is the key to finding the balance that will free you to revel in your promised expansion.

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Check out your sun, moon, and rising sign!

All the ‘scopes are worth a look. Get your astrological house in order!

 


Hi, I’m Asali! I’m a Black queer femme earthworker passionate about tarot, tea, and healing work. Schedule a card reading with me for a deeply clarifying intuitive tarot session. You can also find me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, drop me a line!

Quick Draw, Transform & Transmute

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1. GIVE – THE WISE ONE (The Hermit)

2. ACCEPT – LIFE WEAVER – SPIDERWOMAN (Wheel of Fortune)

What a great reading as the year comes to a close. According to The Daughters of the Moon Tarot, The Wise One as depicted here is The Crone, The Hag of Winter. She symbolizes wisdom, solitude, and transformative death. As the year closes, remembering to meditate on my knowledge collected and give over to the release of closure.

“The Crone or Hag symbolizes that part of us that possesses deep knowledge, understanding and seasoning. She appears as the dark moon and lives in the unconscious, where dreams begin.”

Going into the new year, possibilities are endless, all roads are open, the weave has just begun, and so comes The Spiderwoman confirming that all the knowledge received in the energy of The Wise Woman, has to be transformed with intention.

“As we become more aware of the results of our acts, we develop more control over them. Our sense of destiny becomes a positive trust in life. Of course, great responsibility comes with this skill, and sometimes we wonder which is easier, the way of the innocent who steps blindly into joys and sorrows, or the way of The Wise One who must make so many careful decisions based on Her knowledge.”

The Spiderwoman card asks, “Okay, so now you know a bit of something. What are you gonna do with it?”

Ase.

Full Moon In Capricorn Spread

 1. What kind of energy should I pay close attention to as I move through this moon cycle?
WHEEL OF FORTUNE (LAKSHMI) – the wheel spins and where will it stop? It’s an opening of paths, but it’s also a warning that life may be a bit unpredictable right now. Perspective is a requirement for this experience.

2/3. What informs these energies?
left – FOUR OF EARTH (BOUNDARIES) [reversed] – this effin’ deck. The astrological indication for this card according to the deck’s LWB is ‘Sun in Capricorn’. Now it shows up reversed. Haha, deck. Haha. A reminder to be aware of when I’m closing my space to truly protect myself vs. when I close my space and retreat into loneliness.

right – TWO OF EARTH (CYCLES) – regeneration, renewal, getting into that moon energy. Also remembering to not spend so much time on either plane, as above so below. Elevation and grounding in equal measure.

Not as an exhausting of a spread to explore as the last ones have been. I appreciate it letting up a bit.